Many of my blog topics are sparked by real conversations with clients. Just yesterday, I was speaking with three executives who have led through challenges about a major, multi-year change initiative, and our discussion centered on a familiar challenge: how to help people become more open to change. To address the fear and anxiety that often occur with tough conversations during change, I shared one of my favorite mindset tools – the Feared Fantasy technique.
Introducing the Feared Fantasy Technique
The Feared Fantasy technique is a powerful exercise that exposes irrational fears to the light of day – by acting them out. Instead of endlessly “managing around” anxiety, the executive imagines the absolute worst someone could say to them and hears it aloud.
The goal? To rob the fear of its power. To stop avoiding and start integrating.
To see how this plays out in practice, let’s look at how one executive used to technique to overcome a deeply ingrained leadership fear.
The Coaching Process: How It Worked for Kevin
Step 1: Naming the Fear
Kevin was asked:
“What’s the worst thing the CEO could think about you if you spoke your mind?”
His answer:
“That I’m arrogant. That I think I’m smarter than everyone else.”
This belief had roots in early career experiences where Kevin was labeled “too intense” for challenging groupthink.
Step 2: Script the Nightmare Dialogue
Together, Kevin and I wrote a short dialogue where the CEO delivers his worst fear straight to his face:
CEO (in imagined scene):
“You know, Kevin, I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit too sure of yourself lately. You’re acting like you always have the best answer. It’s honestly rubbing people the wrong way.”
Kevin (playing himself):
“I had no idea I came off that way. My intention was to help us succeed, but I see how it may have landed. I appreciate you telling me.”
Step 3: Roleplay the Fantasy
Kevin and I acted out the conversation. First, I played the CEO; then, we switched roles so Kevin could step into the CEO’s shoes.
Why switch roles? It shifts perspective and often reveals how distorted the fear truly is.
Step 4: Reality Check
After the roleplay, Kevin laughed.
“Wow – I’ve been walking around scared of this imaginary takedown for years. But even in the worst-case version, I managed it fine. And honestly? It wasn’t that bad.”
Kevin realized that no one had ever accused him of arrogance. In fact, his team wished he’d assert himself more.
Why the Feared Fantasy Technique Works
This technique hits where logic can’t. It breaks emotional paralysis by confronting fear through action, not just insight.
By imagining the worst-case scenario and responding with maturity and self-respect, leaders realize they’ve already survived their fear in rehearsal. That confidence carries into the real world.
Want to Try It? Here’s a Simple DIY Version
- Identify your leadership blocker.
What are you avoiding? Speaking up? Delegating? Giving tough feedback? - Name the fear.
What’s the worst someone might think or say about you? - Write the script.
Create a short dialogue where someone expresses that fear aloud. - Roleplay with a trusted partner or coach.
Take turns playing both roles. Feel the awkwardness – and then realize you survived it. - Debrief.
Ask: Was that as bad as I imagined? What did I learn about myself?
Final Thought
The fears that derail leadership are rarely loud. They’re subtle, internal whispers that shape how we speak, what we avoid, and how others respond. The Feared Fantasy exercise brings those fears out of the shadows. By facing them directly, you don’t just become braver, you become clearer, calmer, and more effective when it counts in the toughest conversations.
